Going through each racing thought
Trying to catch a few of them to put them in order and write ’em all down.

How to think straight when you got a crooked vision?

Hard to speak at times when there’s a million things you want to say.

What direction to go when there’s no order?….

….you don’t even know where you are or why you’re here.

There’s an undusted section in the corner of an isle to the library of her brain……….

Searching from A to Z…. with many different sub sections….

where to start when there’s no direction at all……?

There’s a good memories section, funny experiences section…. that are soon forgotten when you get to the chaotic “life challenge” section…. and you’re lost again….. searching through the isles of the library of your brain……

There she is once again…..

….not knowing where to go, A to Z, with no direction at all, hiding in the corner of the undusted section on an isle of your brain…..

….there’s a spiderweb growing, crawling up all over the shelves…..

….memories placed in the wrong section, blurry vision that won’t let her put all these racing thoughts in order, no real direction, none at all.

So there she is once more, hiding in the corner of the undusted section on an isle of her brain…

…wondering where to go next, what order to follow, so confused, feeling hollow.

So many possibilities, so many ways to go, no real direction, no decision taken when you don’t know where to go, or why you’re here and what would happen to this story, how would it all get glued back together, back to the order that it was, when your memories are fading and there’s no A to Z any more, but you’re stuck in an isle with no label to the section of your life……

…where do you go when you don’t know where you are?

…the future is uncertain, life is short
and I don’t want to waste all my time wondering around and questioning why or what ifs.

I want to make the best of any ordinary day, make light of any situation, live to the fullest, accepting whatever may come, and laugh it all out….

undusted….

…unexplored isles of the library of my brain, blank pages section is where Im at…..

New chapters begin to get written, new sections are being created, the library of my brain keeps growing… there better be room for many sections to come…..

…and if it all gets out of order I’ll just have to search A through Z again…

…to the undusted section in the corner of the isle of my brain.

I wrote this on December 29 2005, and I thought I could repost it again, cause it is still pretty meaningful to me…

Although I do have a sense of direction now & goals.

I know clearly what I want & where I’m headed.

My situation now is a waiting game.

I was 25 when I wrote this, I was single, living alone.

I am now 38, a mother of 3.

Many things have changed but it’s interesting to see my thought process from almost 14 years ago.

🌻